Wednesday, January 30, 2008

My girl is so funny

Sadly, bathroom humor is very big in my household. I know many people think it's disgusting talking about farting, pooping, burping, etc. but that is the way I was raised and how my 3-unit family is now. We are always laughing about that kind of stuff. Well this morning, in efforts to try to head off another grumpy start of her day, I tried to be nice by putting G's school uniform in front of the heater vent to warm up. I don't know what it is about closet but her clothes are always freezing. Anyway, I am sitting on the bed waiting for her to come out of the bathroom so I can help her get dressed. Yes. I am one of those mothers who still have to help their 10 1/2 year old get dressed in the morning. Believe me, it goes much faster that way and it reduces the chance of WW3. So she comes in the room and I say, "G", I tried to warm up your clothes this morning so you wouldn't be so cold." She says, "What did you do mom? Fart on them".

This and That just so I won't get behind

It took at least 45 minutes past my scheduled appointment to be called back to room. This has never happened before. You'd think one of the advantages of seeing a NP instead of the OB/GYN is not having to be pushed back by someone delivering a baby. You'd think the stupid medical assistant would have had a clue why, just why, my blood pressure was a bit elevated. Ugh! Let me just say that I hate dr. office scales! They always weigh me 5-7 lbs heavier than my bathroom scale! Anyway, I chickened out asking for additional tests. Bottom line, I told the NP that I was using progesterone cream in the 2nd half of my cycle and was going to be adding Vitamin B because I knew that my progesterone level was off due to the "light" periods. I reiterated that I still wasn't comfortable with taking synthetic hormones. She told me to let her know when I was and she'd write a RX for the clomid. So the ball is in my court on just how far I am willing to go to have another baby. As it has always been.

Weather in the St. Louis Metropolitan area was crazy yesterday. It reached record breaking temperatures of 73 degree at noon and within 3 hours time, it dropped almost 40 degrees! Freaking crazy! I am so ready for Winter to end and for Spring to coming rushing in like a lion. They are calling for snow to hit by tomorrow night and by the time it is over, 4-6 inches of accumulation. This blows because I just know they will cancel school and that means no DARE dance Friday night. G will be so disappointed. She has her outfit all planned out too. We are supposed to go on a legging and nylon footies hunt tonight in order to complete the ensemble. Let's just say my girl will be going dressed Hanna Montana style. Don't worry - I'm taking lots of pictures.

Friday, January 25, 2008

It's that time of year again

The good ol' well woman exam is Monday, the 28th. As the date gets closer I am in turmoil on how to respond to the NP when she asks me if I have anything I want to discuss. At the back of my mind is the pregnancy issue. Last year I finally got the nerve up to ask her for blood work to test my progesterone level. My participation on infertility/TTC forums led me to inquire about my hormone level. Much reading and self-education led me to believe that I was low on progesterone. Low progesterone affects the luteal phase as well as the uterine lining. Since I've been charting my cycles, I've determined that my LP is on average 9-10 days long with lately it being more like 8-9. My uterine lining, I believe is not building up enough to provide the optimum cushy environment for a fertilized egg to implant. I suspect this true by the amount of menstrual flow I've been having.

From last years appointment to this one coming up, I had my progesterone level tested on CD 21 and it was either .06 or 6. I'm not 100% positive about that number because I didn't ask her to repeat herself over the phone because I was upset that the solution she mentioned immediately was Clomid. All I knew was that the number was low. I didn't want to take Clomid because of the risk of multiples and because I didn't want to put something synthetic in my body. So I started working with a Chinese Medical Dr/Acupuncturist from Wisconsin. He put together a pre-ovulation and post-ovulation blend of Chinese herbs. I took them from May 1 - August 30 hoping to improve my LP. I started to see improvement but ended up quitting it because I got really frustrated that it wasn't working fast enough, got it in my head that it was going to quit working because I had to go back on my BP med, and it was VERY expensive. Since December I've been using natural progesterone cream that I'm rubbing into my skin during my luteal phase. I'm getting ready to add vitamin B6 to my regimen now.

Now that I'm getting closer to the big 4-0, I'm wanting to find out what my FSH level is. FSH basically tells you if you have any good eggs left and how close you are to menopause. I want to know this because then if the answer is not good, I will be able to convince myself to just give up the dream of a 2nd child. I can get on with my life and I'll be able to stop obsessing about babies. Now all I have to do is get up the nerve and ask for this test. For some reason I'm a chicken when it comes to this. Partly I think because I'm afraid I'm going to be told NO and/or that I need to do all the western medicine stuff I don't want/can't afford to do. And lastly, because of this, be told that I must not want a baby that bad if I won't do X, Y, Z.

Why do I torment myself? Ugh!

Thursday, January 24, 2008

dish cloth

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A co-worker of mine introduced knitting to me a little over a year ago. I knitted a couple of scarves for Christmas 06 and then put the needles down. I took them back up again a couple months ago to keep my hands and brain busy so I could fight the urge to smoke. The picture posted is my 2nd go round with knitting a dish cloth. Not too bad if I do say so myself. I'm about 75% done knitting another one which I am confident will be even better. Another project that I attempted was a poncho for G. The yarn that I chose for the project is really hard to work with and needless to say I had to put it away for a while. Quitting smoking and knitting with difficult yarn does not equal a pleasant picture. Lots of cussing involved. Well I started that back up again and it is going smoother this time. It is very pretty yarn and once I get a little bit further with it, I'll be sure to post a pic.

Monday, January 21, 2008

A bit of this, a bit of that

Excuse me while I ramble a bit.

I'm so ready for Spring to arrive but those of us who live in the Midwest know how unpredictable the weather can be. I know it's not so but it just seems like the up and down up the temperatures we had makes it so much easier to catch stuff. Like colds and the flu and shit. Not me thankfully. This past week has been hell at our home. First the husband quickly comes down with what I thought was the pneumonia within 2 days time. Symptoms - coughing, sneezing, head congestion, body aches and chills, and fevers up to 103.4 Between the drainage and coughing, he almost lost his voice. Now, a week and a half later, he almost has his voice back and he's back to smoking like a chimney. Grrr! G came down with a cold within days of D. She didn't run high fevers like D but she had a definite full week of miserable head congestion. She's finally on the mend too. Let me tell you - my sympathy bone was shot to death years before she came along by D due to him acting like the world was coming whenever he got a minor sniffle. Now when they truly get sick, it is very hard for me to muck up much sympathy. I'm good for about a day then I'm like - Come on! Get over it already! Sad, I know.

G is attempting to break out of her self-imposed hermit stage. This past weekend she got a spur of the moment invite to go over to a friends for a few hours. I talk to said friend's mother, make the arrangements, and when I get off the phone she bursts into tears. I was supposed to read her mind and say No. She wanted to go to said friend house but then she didn't. I put my foot down and told her she was going to go, no ifs ands or buts about it. It was time to start acting like a kid again. Of course, when D & I picked her up she didn't want to leave. Typical. This Saturday will be a big test for her. A cousin/best friend invited her over 2 weeks ago to come and spend the night and then go to a wildlife presentation with her. The other night when we were reading before bedtime, she started acting strange and when I asked her what was wrong she admitted she was starting to worry about this weekend. I calmly and gently told her that she needed to stop working herself up and fretting over on the what ifs (headache, etc.) and that she needed to push herself to do the things she once did. After talking with K a couple times since then, she's actually looking forward to it.

G is also getting excited for the upcoming DARE dance that our local public and private schools are having for the DARE graduates on February 1st. I volunteered to be a Chaperone. There is no way in hell I let her go otherwise. Luckily, she isn't at that age where she's embarrassed to be seen with me so that eliminates that worry. The big thing this year in her class is for the girls and boys to be boyfriend/girlfriend. I personally think 10,11 year-olds are too young for that shit but you know it's not like they are going on actual dates, talking on the phone etc. From the sounds of it, a girl will get asked to go "out" with a boy in the morning and by the afternoon, he dumps her. It's ridiculous really but oh well. Thankfully G realized that she will have much more fun going to the DARE dance without a boyfriend and just with her little girlfriends. I'll be sure to take pictures of G's first dance.

Friday, January 11, 2008

And I waited this long why??

So the mammogram, it was a piece of cake. Even with the progesterone cream enhance soreness, I barely felt anything. The only time there was any "discomfort" was when the tech was getting the side view of my left boob. It's my biggest of the two so that's probably why. Anyway, it was over in less than 10 minutes. I can't believe I held off getting this done so damn long. I'm just going to venture a guess that all those horror stories come from women who don't have much tissue up top. Those of us who are naturally, or even artificially, blessed with huge knockers have an easier time. Either that or I have a much higher pain tolerance than others. So that's the story to the mammogram. Hopefully, they don't find anything.

The saga on G's mole removal continues. . . I should probably make it a separate post but what they hey.

I took G to Dr. C's office (dermatologist) yesterday afternoon for the follow up appointment on the mole removal of her left forearm. After waiting an hour past the appointment time, we get called to go into a exam room. Of course, G gets called by the masculine version of her name. This is a huge pet peeve of mine but it seems like everyone does it so why correct it huh? So anyway, Dr. C comes in and just like I figured, everything was cool as far as the pathology results. But then came the dreaded words, "The 2 on the palm of her left hand need to come off." G got the deer in the headlights look again and all the big talk I got from her on the way to the appointment that getting moles removed were no big deal was immediately forgotten. She started whimpering that she didn't want it done. Dr. C was so good about it, gently explaining to her that we (me and him) knew she didn't want it done but that moles on palms of hands don't belong there and the longer we waited, the bigger they'd get, and the more he'd have to cut out, thereby making her hand even more sore.

So she finally submits to it and she lays down to get into a comfortable position. I get into position to hold her free hand and pat her head while she cried and screamed during the anesthetic injection. I kept it together for that but then like a dang fool, looked at her hand after he cut the offending spots out. Wrong idea! I started sweating like a pig, got really nauseous, and thought I was going to pass out. I was trying to do the whole breath in through my nose, out through my mouth while counting to 10 in my head to get those sensations to pass but it wasn't working. So I had to speak up about it before I embarrassed myself even further by keeling over. Dr. C told me to slowly drop to the ground and sit down until I got my bearings. I did that for a couple minutes and then slowly got up when I knew he was done working on her hand. He then told me to go sit down in the chair. I guess he thought I still looked pretty pale because next thing I knew he was dabbing my forehead with rubbing alcohol to cool me off and then started fanning me with a magazine. I'm telling you, when it comes to wounds or deep cuts on my kid I just can't handle it, but if I see it on anybody else I am cool as a cucumber. Today, I ended up having to pick her up 45 minutes after I dropped her off at school. The antibiotic didn't settle well in her stomach and she was feeling like she was going to throw up. She was much better after she got some real food in her. But today was a day of hookie from school for her and work for me.

Geez, I can't make any story short, can I?

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

What was I thinking?

Ack! I am a glutton for punishment because when I finally made the appointment for my first baseline mammogram (3 years late) , I did not take into consideration where I would be in my cycle. AF is scheduled to make her appearance in 2 days and my boobs are already freaking killing(pain is enhanced more so by the progesterone cream I've been using) and I am going today at 4:00 to put my boobs into a vice! Where's that slapping your head emoticon when I need it?!

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Back to the previously schedule programming

Now that the New Year has began and most of all the holiday goodies are gone, I'm ready to get back on track with the weight loss and exercise thing. So far, I've managed to walk 5 out of the last 7 days with my walking buddies/co-workers.

If you are familiar with Alton, you know that it is a very hilly little river town, especially in the downtown area. In an hour to 1.25 hours time, we manage to squeeze in 3.4 miles and in those 3.4 miles, there are several very steep hills and one set of stairs that lead up to the Riverview Park. I've been doing this for almost 2 years now and I have notice some good results. I don't have exact figures because like an idiot I didn't take measurements prior to starting this walking program. I have not lost much weight but toned up a huge amount. I think the reason for that is 1) I'm not very good at adjusting my diet and 2) any weight I would have lost has been converted to muscle. Muscle is a good thing. This time, I'm going to recruit Dean into helping me take some measurements before I get too far into it again.

Since I quit smoking a little over 3 months ago, I can't wait until that magical day when I won't struggle for breath so much getting up the 7th Street hill. Oh and me thinks it is time to get a new pair of walking shoes too. For the 2nd day in a row, the bunion on my left foot is giving me fits. Ouchie!