Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Blogging, etc.

I'm such a shitty blogger. Honestly, I worry too much that what I blog about no one is interested in so I just rather not blog at all. I'm perfectly happy reading everybody else's blogs. But, I will continue blogging just so I don't look like a stalker when I comment on other's blogs.

In other news . . .

G will be getting braces. We go back in another week and start on the impressions, etc. She has a overbite and crowding with misalignment of her bite that needs to be corrected. Then at the end of May, the braces go on. Now to figure out how we are going to pay for it. Still thinking on that.

Do you remember watching the puberty video when you were 10,11 years old? I sure do. I also remember reading Judy Blume's, Are You There God? It's Me Margaret, over and over again. Oh, those were the days - so foolishly excited to become a woman!
Well after much bitching and whining from Gabby that she already knew about all that, we went through the puberty class last night. For someone who complained so much about not wanting to go, she sure was all ears and tried to answer every question on the quiz. There is only one girl in her class that has already started her period and has boobs. The rest of them, Gabby included, are trying to pretend they have boobs by wearing bras. Gabby has mosquito bites but Grandma (my mom) seems to think she needs to start wearing a bra so I broke down a got her a couple. Other signs like mood swings, headaches, and zits lead me to believe that this summer is going to bring about many changes for my girl.

D and I are going ghost hunting this Saturday. We are going back to the Original Springs Hotel in Okawville, IL. We visited it for the first time in January and had some interesting experiences. Since that time we have joined a paranormal/ghost hunting/debunking group and this is are first trip as members of PROSCI. We are staying the night there too so that will be nice. I just hope we can get some sleep when we are ready to turn in. We don't get away much and I am so looking forward to some alone time, if you know what I mean.

Monday, April 7, 2008

Regret and Shame

Something happened last evening before G's bedtime that put my daughter in such a state of frenzy. I found her cowering and crying in her playroom and when I called her out, she rushed into my arms crying that her world was ending.

You see, my temper got the best of me and I didn't handle myself so well when my husband had a massive temper tantrum. I'm not going to get into what it was over but take my word that what happened did not warrant that type of behavior. To say that D has a bit of an explosive temper, is an understatement. I've dealt with for 20 years now. He gets carried away about things that, to me, are so minor. G has witnessed his tantrums but last night was the first time she saw him act like a raving maniac and destroy a door. The cussing and carrying on, I don't like it but I deal with it. It's the destruction of our things that I can't handle. When the pounding on the door started and I heard the splinter of wood, I lost it! I wanted to rush in and whale on his ass so bad but instead I turned into a screaming banshee. I am not proud of myself that I lost it. I don't know why I react to him that way but I do. What got to me most of all is when G told me that her "world was ending because daddy was going to divorce me." I had to calm her down and tell her that her dad wasn't going to divorce me over something silly as what had happened. Everything calmed down as quickly as it started, as is the case with his tantrums. I told D what G said and he, too, assured her that he wasn't going to divorce me.

I just have this awful sick feeling in my stomach today because I'm so ashamed that both of our tempers got out of hand and scared our daughter that bad. What happened last night does not occur on a frequent basis. In fact, I can't remember the last time he reacted to that extreme. Now I just hope I haven't permanently damaged my child.

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Chicago trip update #2

Last post I mentioned I made the airfare and hotel reservations. Well since that time, my mother is also going. I also having been gathering info on a discount visitor pass for the El and discount cards for the tourist attractions. I made a change in our airfare tickets. Paying $10 more per ticket but that’s okay. Dean brought up a valid point when he asked why we were leaving so late (1:55 p.m.) So I backed it up to an 11:55 a.m. flight. I also checked into the routes that the El takes and I think instead of cabbing it from the airport, we are going to take the El. We can buy a 2-day visitor pass for unlimited trips for $9 a pass. I know that will be a big savings versus taking a cab from the airport plus just to get the experience of riding public transpo, ya know. I checked the itinerary and we can take a trip that involves taking 2 trains that dumps us out within 0.3 miles of the hotel and only 30 minutes to get there.

My baby girl is really starting to grow up. The girl can drive me crazy with her smart mouth but at the same time I am enjoying watching her slowly develop into her own and realizing that she's growing up.

She told me this Saturday that this trip was going to change her life because it'll be her first time on an airplane, something she is really scared to do, and that she knows that is a big hurdle for her to get over her fear of flying. She knows that it is a step toward being ready for any future airplane trips we might take. That sounded so "grown up" to me and it was all I could do not to break down crying. I think this trip is going to change my life too.