I'm torn

on what or if anything I should do with my daughter. Everything started a little over a year ago after she went on an overnight school field trip. Without me. At the time, we could barely afford to pay for her part because Dean still hadn't found a job. I figured it wouldn't be any big deal because it wasn't has if she hadn't spent the night with at least a couple of her classmates before the trip. Well, since that trip in October 2006, she refuses to spend the night with any of her friends, even the girl, Adaela, that the summer before, you could barely separate the two. As the time has gone by, it has progressively gotten worse. We did "force" her to go on her regular 3 day, 2-night vacation with my ILs, something she's been doing since the age of 5. She did have a good time and was glad she went. However, within the last 6 months, she has even declined to go to birthday parties, the movies, or play dates. Both Dean and I have talked to her about her feelings and tried to get to the bottom of this but she just keeps telling us she "doesn't know". I'm not one to regularly force my child to do something she doesn't want to do. She's at the age where she has been struggling with feelings of fitting in with the kids at school but when I tell her that if she continues to decline invitations from her "friends", pretty soon the invitations will stop, it doesn't seem to make any difference to her.

I've tried to discuss this with various friends/family in hopes to get some understanding or advice on handle her but so far the assvice I've gotten has ranged from she's just going through a phase, be glad she wants to spend time with her family because it's a matter of time before she starts "hating" us, to put our foot down and force her to do things because as an only child she is spoiled and we are letting her rule us.

I think it's probably a combination of things. Hormones - she's 10 1/2 and has for probably a over a year now has been having discharge in her panties and has to wear a pantyliner often, she's starting to get "bumps" on her chest, getting pimples, and she has most recently been crying at a drop of a hat. Articles I have read and discussions I've seen in many internet forums have been saying that many of our young girls are entering puberty earlier and earlier because of the hormones in our milk and chicken, etc. I think this a great possibility for her. Besides that, I started developing breasts by her age and started my period by 11 1/2.

Then there is the death of my sister this past July. I think Diane's death made her realize the mortality of her parents. She really hasn't talked about it but I truly think she's worrying constantly that something is going bad is going to happen to us. How do you tell a 10 year old not to worry about that? It's inevitable. With life there is death. Blah, blah, blah.

Anyway, I'm about to pull my hair out. I don't know how to deal with this without worrying that I am going about it the wrong way. I don't want to push her away but at the same time I don't want to ruin her by being to dependent upon us to where she can't do anything without us. Ya know?